sometimes the people that we love the most, are the ones that hurt us the most. it took a minute to understand that the sacrifices we make for others may not be as significant to them as they may be to us. my name is Christine, and this is my story.

I had just completed high school when l met her. her name was jane, she lived in the same estate as l did. we had been strangers until one afternoon when l met her on a matatu to town. we clicked immediately and became friends.

my boyfriend was a little older than l was. l was 18 when l met him. he was 25. we had been together for 3 months when l introduced him to jane. they exchanged numbers and started communicating behind my back. jane would go meet eddy on Sundays and lie about having a new boyfriend. every time she came back, she always had back aches from the rough sex she was having with her new mate, and l, the supportive friend would apply balm to her back to ease the pain. little did l know that she and l shared the same joystick.

she was a sex addict, and l had just my first experience with eddy. l really did not know what to do in bed. l didn’t shave, couldn’t bed over nicely and blowjobs grossed me out. l was keen to preserve my self-respect while jane, though the same age as l was had all the experience in the world. she had her first experience at 13, and an abortion at 16, and was fascinated by pornography. in terms of experience, l was an amateur.

eddy and jane continued with their hookups for a while without my knowledge until a year into my relationship with him when l found out that l was pregnant. lt was on a Sunday afternoon, l left the church and took a motorbike to his house to tell him. his house was the last one in the compound, his bedroom window faced away from the gate and there was no way he would see me walk into the compound.

the door was unlocked and l remember walking in to find my best friend, bent over on the small living room carpet, my boyfriend giving it to her from the back while he pulled her hair. they were obviously surprised when they saw me, and jane tried to lie, by saying that she came over to inform him about the pregnancy and things got out of hand.

a few days later eddy called, apologizing, claiming that my friend had seduced him. he recited his undying love for me, and like the fool l was,l took him back, excited that he had chosen me and not her.

my father was a church deacon and my mother was a woman leader.l wanted to keep the baby, having been brought up in church but somehow, he coaxed me to believe that abortion was best since we were young and broke.

half-heartedly,l followed him to a doctor at a small clinic in town. that weekend, l lied to my parents about having a school trip and stayed at his place. we went on Friday evening. the doctor put some pills in my vagina and gave me another to put under my tongue. the pills were supposed to work after a couple of hours. there would be no damage to the uterus she said. only the fetus would die. it would be a miscarriage.

the medicine backfired and we found ourselves at the clinic on Sunday to have another dose. another tablet was inserted and another l put under my tongue. this time l could not go to eddy’s house. l had to go back home. if the miscarriage happened, l would have to handle it on my own.

it did happen, in the kitchen, while l stood next to my mother helping out with dinner. my mother called out to me to show me blood that oozed down my leg. l quickly ran to the pit latrine behind our house .l remember the agonizing pain and a thud in the toilet. and just like that, my heart sank.

my mother, who was under the impression that l had just had my period, nursed me for the next week. eventually, the bleeding stopped. somehow life went back to normal. but for me, it stood still. l lost weight, got depressed,l could tell no one. l feared judgment. what would people say?

years later, l found out that most of my girlfriends had had abortions. some shared their stories with me .others just gave hints, sadly it was not comforting to hear of this.

a decade later and am a mother to a beautiful daughter. most of my friends were also lucky enough to have babies. the only one in our group yet to experience the pride of motherhood is jane. she later went on to have two more abortions both were eddy’s. they later broke up. he got married and had two kids with a lady from his village. jane has been divorced twice.

abortion was once a subject so spoken against. this is just a reminder that abortion is still not an option. if you’re brave enough to make the choice, be bold enough to bear the consequences.

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