“do you miss him?” wanja asked her friend who sat at the window overlooking the beautiful forest. “I don’t know if I have the right to, he was never mine, to begin with,” Celina hated these words the moment she said them. Of course, she missed him, whether or not he was hers, he said that he loved her. she thought that was enough, but clearly, it wasn’t. she took a sip of her glass. it was JD. she was not much into alcohol but did it because it was one of the things they enjoyed together. it was all that was left of him.

Celina met Aman at a cerebral palsy charity event a few years prior. she had attended as a volunteer and he was the president of a prestigious charitable organization. at the sight of him, she fell, hard. he was older and looked a lot classier and she was very sure that a man like him would never be interested in a girl like her. she had never been into light-skinned guys before, leave alone Indian ones.

he wore a white polo shirt with his organization’s logo on it, black pants, and what looked like very expensive sneakers. his eyes were a shade of brown and the turban on his head was neatly tied. she stared at him as he interacted with other people and turned back to catch her in her stare. she looked away quickly but turned back to find his eyes on her, he smiled at her and she smiled back, then pretended to get busy with the guests. she was smitten. they interacted briefly during the event and exchanged numbers with a goodbye hug that was a little tighter and longer.

the covid 19 pandemic contributed largely to their second meeting. she had lost her job and he was looking for a sales representative at his company. as fate would have it, he interviewed her for the job and she got employed immediately. she began on valentines day. that morning, he walked into her office and fed her a piece of chocolate. she would be working closely with him, he said.

weeks later and their chemistry was undeniable. they would ‘coincidentally’ meet in the kitchen while she made coffee and he would passionately kiss her good morning. their days were filled with giggles and laughter, a little naughty touching here and there, and other times when they were working late in the office, he would take her passionately on his large desk. other times, he would sneak into her office and make her cum on her floor, then walk away licking his fingers with a grin of satisfaction on his face.

he was married and she knew this. she was not looking to ruin a marriage. she did not know what she was to him or really define who he was to her. they were best friends. inseparable. they would read each other’s reactions and go to each other when in distress. it was enough for them. this went on for a year until she had to leave. they never met or reached out to each other again.

two years later and a text message popped up on his phone. it was Celina! he was excited that after all these years she had not forgotten about him. he had typed messages countless times but never had the courage to hit send. he had tried to call her but feared that she would not want anything to do with him. he was happy. she was a welcome break from his very complicated moment.

soon enough their romance rekindled again. they talked all day and night. Aman invited Celina to vacation at a prestigious resort far away from their town. there, they could be themselves. they held hands and made out in public and went swimming, got high, and made love at night on the balcony while crickets chirped as if to cheer them on and bear witness to their intimacy. they were connected deeper and better than before.

weeks went by and they planned trips, went on game drives, and camped with their friends. held hands and got naughty on every occasion. they went out clubbing and got amazing gifts for each other while making the best memories.

one morning, two days after her birthday, she woke up to a text from him. he broke up with her, while halfway across the continent on a work trip. just like that, it was over. maybe it was the guilt of having betrayed his partner or the reality that their relationship was becoming a little more solid, permanent. she did not know.

however, she knew that she was not as significant to him as he was to her, but she had hoped to mean a little more. but then again, he belonged to another. she did not hate him for that but wished that he didn’t. was it her age? was she too young? did she overwhelm him? the worst part of it was that it was not the trips that she missed or the sexual memories of them, she missed their banter and conversations. the fact that he was the first person she could count on. she didn’t know whether that existed for them anymore.

she took another sip of JD and lit a blunt. perhaps she could smoke him away.

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