being in a relationship in the 21st century is supposed to be way more fun and convenient than it was in the 19th. today there are so many ways of communicating, with the option of instant reply from anywhere across the globe. why then is communication so hard?

Ghosting, that’s what we are calling it these days. I’m sure that most of us have been ghosted or ghosted someone. personally, l stopped talking to a guy once. things were going on so well. we talked all day and night, it was a long-distance relationship. l remember he broke up with me before with an excuse of needing a break, l did not understand why, we were already in different countries. l still gave him the break, and when he reappeared a month later, things were normal for him, but for me, l became keener on the little things. months later, l realized that l was obsessed with catching him in a lie. l would pay attention to the little details and even though he may have been trying to redeem himself with me, l was at a point of no return. so one evening, we talked as usual, had our banter and chitchat and then after l said goodnight, l blocked him. I was just done. he looked me up on Facebook and tried communicating but, it was easier for me to shut down than to explain myself to him.

I’ve been ghosted too. for me, l will overthink and overanalyze the situation for a week max. On day 1, l call and text and freak out that something is wrong. so l worry. On day 2,l do the social media sweep, where l go full FBI mode and check him out completely. On day 3, I shoot him a text to check up, just to see if he’ll be tempted to reach out. day 4,l start refocusing my attention on other things, reaching out to friends, and try to forget him. On day 5,l will still look at my phone expecting a reply but it doesn’t hurt as much now. On day 6 l readjust. l do not expect or look forward and life takes shape again. day 7, l just accept and move on. it’s not as easy as l make it sound, of course, there is a complete meltdown and plenty of chocolate involved, sleepless nights where l question everything he ever said and did. but after l pick myself up from this week, things change. even though he may come back and l may take him back, it’s never the same.

l don’t even remember what my point was but l feel like communication is very important in any relationship or friendship. life happens to us at times and there are situations where we do not even have the bandwidth to explain to people why we are acting differently. in such situations, it’s always best to just inform them that things are not okay and you may need some space.

l used to shut down completely when l was in bad situations. l would switch off my phone for days, deactivate my socials and just be indoors for a while. l did not realize how much this hurts the people that cared about me. the worry and the inconsistency.

it’s okay to need space. but being silent, ghosting, simply because things do not work out or you do not want to be in a said situation anymore is never the kind move. at least consider the other party. the time and emotion invested on you by them. the best thing you can do, is to say something.

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