l’ve been on a number of dates, most of them were amazing and others not so much. l remember this particular date l went to a few months back. l don’t know whether to call it a date or just lunch. the guy in particular had been insisting for a while and on this day l was free from work so l figured why not. so we go on to this place that serves chicken and we talk while at it, a little banter here and there and lunch is over. so in my small head lm thinking, since lm in town l will just ask him to drop me off near the supermarket, l will do some shopping and go back home. little did l know that this guy had other plans, he was apparently looking for accommodation for us to hook up! Imagine my surprise when he parks at this hotel turns the engine off and ninja decided to surprise me but leaning in for a kiss! l definitely hit my head on the window trying to get away from that nonsense. the best statement and most polite that could come out of my mouth was “is this because of that chicken you bought?” of course he apologized bla bla bla . but that brings me to todays topic.
why would a guy think that you want to put out, just because he paid for lunch or dinner? is it the ladies showing the wrong signs or are the guys seeing what they want to see? you have no idea how many times l meet a guy l like we go out and l ruin the whole thing by doing too much or too little.
most times when we do too much we come off as desperate and then again when we do to little, we come off as not interested. so for my own sake, l did some research that has worked for me. l hope it does for you too.
be polite but do not flirt
l know that we a living in an age where politeness is mistaken for flirting. one thing l have found to be very useful when l go out with someone is to always be polite. a little please and thankyou brings out the class in you whether or not you see it. avoid being touchy and aggressive, giving your opinion on this or that. whether or not you like this person, at the end of the day you want to end it on a polite note.
be clear about your intentions
the worst thing that you can do to a person is to give mixed signals. that is very tedious and annoying. you cant give off one vibe today and then tomorrow say another thing. whether you want to be serious, casual or in a see how it goes kind of situationship, it is very good to state it at the very beginning.
look at your partner’s body language
it is very easy to know whether or not a person is into you just by looking at them. simple things like smiles and shrugs will save you from having a boring date. look at how they respond to simple things like a slight touch. do they pull away when you reach out, does a touch to their hand make them uncomfortable?
listen a lot more than you talk
nobody wants to hear you talk about yourself throughout. the only way to create a good rapport is through giving your company a minute to talk about themselves. it is through talking and listening that you actually create a connection that leads to that kiss at the end of the night. you definitely do not want to come off as selfish, especially if you like this person.
set boundaries
one thing l have learnt through my dating life is that the things you accept on the first date, tend to stick and sets a rhythm. so if for example you let your partner disrespect the waitress and say nothing about it, whether or not you’re a good person you have set a precedence for him to be impolite in your presence. if you do not call out something you do not like on your first dates together you give a lee way for statements like ” but l did it the other time and you did not mind.”
do not be pretentious
the biggest turn off for anyone is when someone pretends to be something they are not. if you order chicken and you somehow have no idea how to separate the meat from the bone using a knife and fork, save yourself and your partner the stares and just wash your hands and use them. it is way better than dropping that delicacy on the floor while you’re busy jabbing it yet its dead already or worse still, embarrassing yourself in front of your date, when you had convinced them of how classy you are. being yourself is always better than being an embarrassment.
mind your language
l am the type of girl that is turned on by intellect. simple things like how you text will have me dish out the ” its not you, its me ” statement very fast. the way you talk gives an impression about you. it also tells your date whether or not to take you seriously.
do not make promises you cannot keep
l make this mistake a lot. we go out we have a good time, or so you think ,you drop me home, l promise to reach out,but instead, l ghost. l am learning to not lead on a date if l am not feeling the vibe. so should you dear reader. when tables turn, that shit hurts like hell.
sex? yes/no
l do not have an opinion to this one. whether you choose to hook up with your partner or not, that is entirely up to you. my opinion is that you can not allow yourself to be pressured to doing it. your conscience will always be right. when you meet someone you will know. if it is to wait, just wait. its always better to see how things turn out. always have protection.
